Arrangements for shared physical custody or parenting time often focus on the overall breakdown of parenting time. Each parent receives a certain percentage of time with the children.
Parents also need to discuss how they tend to share custody on special days, such as holidays and birthdays. Conflicts regarding special days are common and can diminish the joy that children feel on holidays or their birthdays. The right plans can reduce conflicts and make it easier for parents to ensure that their children have positive memories of their special days throughout their childhoods.
What solutions often work for addressing holidays in a shared custody arrangement?
A standard annual schedule
When parents come from different cultures, they may have different priorities regarding the holidays that they spend with their children. In such cases, it may be possible for each parent to have the children on the days that matter the most to their culture or religion every year, allowing for a relatively amicable arrangement.
An alternating schedule
The every-other-holiday approach is a common one. Many parents share the same religions and cultural backgrounds. Therefore, they generally want to see the children on the same days each year. An alternating schedule allows one parent to spend every other holiday with the children. They see their children for some of the major holidays each year and get to enjoy all of the major holidays every other year.
A split schedule
Separated parents can often share the actual holiday so that they can both celebrate with the children. If they live close enough to make a midday custody exchange feasible, a split schedule where the children spend part of the day with one parent and the remainder with the other can be a relatively fair arrangement. Occasionally, parents can even negotiate terms where they share the holidays and the children’s birthdays by maintaining joint celebrations.
There are various ways to modify these basic arrangements so that they work for families in all kinds of situations. Parents may need to carefully consider their schedules, family traditions and household dynamics to create workable parenting plans. And, understanding how other families share parenting time can make it easier for adults to find solutions that may work for their families as well.